omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
