It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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