We need to rekindle our bromance
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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