don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
