What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
