I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
