I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
