I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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