I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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