Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
