he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
