so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
