u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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