You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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