she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
