Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
