told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
