He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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