Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
