Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
