can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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