I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
