Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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