I need help removing her.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
