Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You pole danced in your parka.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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