Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
