So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
