I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
