We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
