My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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