I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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