what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
