So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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