It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
