Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
