I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
