I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
