And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
