nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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