You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
two words: eviction party
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
