We left an ass print on the piano.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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