So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
