He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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