Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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