So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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