So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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