i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
