i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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