you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
