I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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