she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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