My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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